Medical convos that have me SMDH (shaking my damn head)

Scene: I’m in the perinatal center at the “premiere” hospital in St. Louis – the center of maternal fetal medicine – the supposed employer of the “best and the brightest” the field has to offer to serve all of us “high-risk patients” in the region, right? I’m hooked up to the non-stress test (NST) machine, and behind my curtain I hear a nurse speaking with another patient. Continue reading

Advertisements

Frozen

I’ve not been able to write as much lately. It isn’t for lack of material though… The last couple of weeks since my first trip to the Maternity Trauma Center, have been eventful, though not in any earth-shattering sort of way… Not to an outsider, at least. But my high level of internal turmoil has me paralyzed, frozen, it seems. By fear and anxiety. Sure there have been moments of hope and reprieve, but these seem so fleeting as of late. Continue reading

On Father’s Day

Left behind as doctors sprinted me down the hall into my emergency C-section, he worried he could lose both of us. Alone he waited, and alone he was told that although I made it, our first child, Matthew, did not. Shattered and heartbroken, and still alone, he waited for me to wake up, waited to share the worst, most soul-crushing news imaginable. Continue reading

Cemeteries and beer

Luckily Memorial Day weekend flew by rather quickly thanks to Mark’s parents and sister and brother in law who all visited from out of town, Mark’s parents from Iowa and his sister and brother in law from Nebraska. As part of the weekend, we scheduled a couple of St. Louisy activities (you’re jealous) because we didn’t really have other plans and because some of our visitors hadn’t spent enough time in St. Louis to have experienced them, in all of their glory, before. And our weekend included other activities too – some dinners out and good conversation and a fishing trip and a quick Monday morning visit to the cemetery where Matthew’s ashes are buried… Continue reading